The only thing my television connects to is netflix, so I tend to be in the dark about emerging pop culture icons.

All I know about Dr. Oz is the obvious: he’s a doctor who was manufactured by Oprah.

I don’t know exactly how she does it. 

Perhaps Oprah has, among her many special gifts, the ability to simply will people into being.

Conversely, she might go the more conventional route, funding a lab to produce minions who she then showers with money, cars, and ipads. Eventually, if they’re really good little boys, they get a show of their very own.

These aren’t important details, right? All you really need to know about this beacon of healthful living is that he wears scrubs, and that he’s here to provide a sort of sterile level of attractiveness while doling out mainly aphoristic information.

That other doctor guy, the bald one donning suits, handles the more emo stuff.

Google alert tells me that this Dr. Oz guy wasn’t assembled yesterday: he knows oats are manna from Oprah, and can thicken his otherwise completely straightforward soup recipe. Without further ado, Dr. Oz’s recipe for Cream of Carrot Soup, which will solve all your problems.

2 tbsps Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 large onion cut into medium dice
1/2 tsp sea salt
2lbs carrots, peeled and cut into 1/2 inch rounds
5 cups of vegetable stock
1/4 cup rolled oats
1 1/2 tsp ginger juice
1 tsp lemon juice
Salt and pepper to taste
Garnish with 2 tsp of dill and dollop of plain yogurt

In a medium-sized pot, heat oil over medium heat. Add onions and salt.  Sweat until onions are soft (about 5-8 minutes). Stir often to prevent browning. Add the carrots, cover pot and cook over low heat for 5-6 minutes. Stir to prevent browning. Add stock and oats to pot. Raise the heat and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer 25 minutes until carrots are tender. Pour contents of the pot into a blender. Blend the soup until creamy. Add additional stock to desired consistency. Add lemon and ginger juice. Readjust seasonings. Garnish with a dollop of yogurt and dill and serve.